Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
