i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
