I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
