now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
