Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is wine microwaveable?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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