We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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