My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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