I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
