Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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