I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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