I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
