Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
