I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
