The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
