I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm really into asian looking animals
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
