you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
