Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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