I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
