my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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