She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
