is your mom at the bar?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
