I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
