The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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