Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize