the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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