Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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