I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
