if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
