party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
