we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We're too hungover to prance.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
