Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
