for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
