Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you would pick up someone in the library
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize