I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
