i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
