Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
