Don't you send me to vm
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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