youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
