If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
