my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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