Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize