WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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