your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
