life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
