You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
