____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize