you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
