omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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