Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
