DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
