My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
