i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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