She's JV to your varsity
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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