Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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