i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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