That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Everclear isn't food dammit
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think my moral compass just broke
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
