just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
