maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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