so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she peed on how many people?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
