hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
