Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
