Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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