I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
